god fucking dammit you were my girl in the red coat, i gave you everything, every little ounce of myself and i’m still not okay. it’s been over a year and i still can’t get over how much I fucking loved you. i know i wilted under the pressure of helping you but, i haven’t been the same since, i haven’t dealt with it and now I’ve made myself listen to bon iver and i just want to go back or at least talk to you or have some closure or something I’m so fucking sad and scared of the future that i’m really just crumbling under this a level pressure, i’ve punished myself so hard and it’s not fair it’s just not fucking fair okay. I’ve kept your scarf, nothing and no one feels the same when I haven’t got you to share it with. life just fucking sucks man, i’m doing so well with some things and i wish you could see me now. someone anon messaged me the other day and my first instinct was still hoping it was you telling me you missed me. what do I do? how do I deal with this? I’ve mever been open with anyone face to face and just bared my soul, I don’t know how to get over you or how to get fucking under you again, wouldn’t that be great. You asked me after we broke up if I regretted new years night, and I lied, I said no. I regret it so much but it was the best night of my fucking life, I don’t know how much better it can get, maybe the first night actually, after bon iver. I was so fucking in love and everything was okay, how do I get back to that? dfgs I knew you were short and had a weird bum and you hair was always in my mouth or eyes but I did not care one bit, not in the slightest, I thought you were perfect in every single way. i didn’t care about the old scars, just the fact you made new ones. i loved you with all of my heart and honestly my only hope in life is that one day I get to settle down with that feeling and grow old. carys I’m so tired. so so so tired. i’m tired of crying, i’m tired of school, of ipswich, i’m just tired of life without you, darling. I still don’t look a thing like jesus, I’m sorry I snapped at you the last time we spoke, I don’t know what I wanted to do with that but it made me feel even worse, I was just so hurt. honestly it has screwed me up beyond repair that I gave you my everything and just wasn;t good enough. anything and everything between then and now has just been trying to fill the void and it hasn’f worked, at all. I built little rope bridges across it that let me get on with life but it’s always there waiting for me to fall. losing you was the biggest mistake I ever made. I hope you’re well, and I hope you found a way to feel better. I hope madge is okay and that your new room is better and that your hair is some ridiculous new colour and that maybe you read this just to know, I loved you so fucking much and I always will, buttercup. I know you liked me giving you all those little nicknames but I wish I’d kept with one overall. do you still have my jumper? i told myself I’d get rid of your scarf but yet its still at the end of my bed. i don’t really want to say goodbye at the end of this, so I’ll just end it. maybe I’ll tag you so you can see this or maybe it won’t get posted at all, i haven’t read back through this or edited it. I’m going to fall asleep npw. fuckandcuddleme
Yes, all 86 of you. I’m not gonna use this blog anymore really, I’ve been using my shiny new one more and more and this one is just filled with bad memories, long opinionated paragraphs and porn. Don’t even know how.
Inbox me if you want my new URL and if I want you to have it, I will reply :)
Here’s a test:
I’m holding a baby in one hand and a petri dish holding a fetus in the other.
I’m going to drop one. You chose which.
If you really truly believe a fetus is the same thing as a baby, it should be impossible for you to decide. You should have to flip a coin, that’s how impossible the decision should be.
Shot in the dark, you saved the baby.
Because you’re aware there’s a difference.
Now admit it
BORIS JOHNSON FOR THE NEW DOCTOR #BORIS2013
if you still say ‘it’s adam and eve, not adam and steve’ as an argument against gay marriage you need to adam and leave
Well that was nice not having to be me for a while